


In Which the Student Body of Garreg Mach Solves a Problem

by daikaijumaster



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Comedy, Crack Fic, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone is friends, F/F, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, My First AO3 Post, No Sex, Please Don't Kill Me, Polyamory, Post-Time Skip, Sexual Tension, and three seconds of fluff, but it's all to facilitate the jokes, everyone is bi, i mean there is sex but i'm not writing that scene, pretend that possible in some timeline, that's the word, this is a comedy but it does have like five seconds of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:28:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21742228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daikaijumaster/pseuds/daikaijumaster
Summary: Hey, so you know how every single A-Support in Three Houses features incredible romantic and sexual tension? What if none of these students knew how to handle that? At all?Well good thing Byleth knows what they need. Hint: it is each other. Hilarity ensues.
Relationships: Everyone/Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	In Which the Student Body of Garreg Mach Solves a Problem

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what i'm doing  
> also i haven't done BL yet so i'm sorry if their characterization isn't good  
> but it's all good because this is funny i hope  
> also everyone in garreg mach can flash step for some reason, don't worry about it

“I have something to ask of you,” Seteth said to Byleth in that same old weary tone. Though today, his eyes seemed extra tired.  
  
“Surely by now, you’ve noticed… a problem among the student body. And although they may not be students any more, let’s be honest with ourselves, they will always be our students. And the problem is that they are still those same children at heart.”  
  
“You do know that Mercedes is older than me, right?”  
  
“Yes, well… even so. I’m sure you’ve noticed the rampant abundance of romantic and sexual tension among… well, more or less literally every single one of them. With every single other student they’ve made friends with.”  
  
“Yes. It’s so impossible to notice that even you have noticed it.”  
  
“...That was uncalled for but also completely fair. It has gotten so bad that it’s even affecting the performance of the house leaders and their most direct lieutenants. Those are some of the most intelligent, determined, unshakable, hard working students here! And also Claude and Hilda.”  
  
“You’re right, this is a problem. But don’t worry, I think I have a solution.”

  
  


“You all need to have sex with each other.”  
  
Everyone else in the room either spit out their drink or choked on the air or felt their heart launch itself out of their chests.  
  
“I’m sorry?” Edelgard asked with exasperation  
  
“You heard me. Every single person here is so wracked with sexual frustration that it is affecting your performance on the battlefield.”  
  
“Well, that’s hardly fair, professor!” Ferdinand said indignantly. “I for one have never let any such desires affect me. It would be unfitting of a noble, and more that that, a soldier! We are all above such things!”  
  
“Ferdinand, you literally missed several opponents the other day because you were staring at Dorothea.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And Bernadetta.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And Edelgard.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And Hubert.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And Caspar.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And Hilda.”  
  
“...”  
  
“And-”  
  
“Alright, alright, you’ve made your point. But that doesn’t mean it’s affecting all of us!”  
  
“You want me to do this one by one then? So Marianne was drooling watching Hilda-”  
  
“Please don’t,” Marianne said timidly.  
  
“Point made, it’s all of us,” Dimitri said. “But what you’re suggesting is…”  
  
“A great idea!” Claude said.  
  
“What? No! That wasn’t what I was going to say at all!”  
  
“I mean, what’s the harm?” Claude said. “It’s not like we’re just gonna have a free for all. We put down some ground rules, and anyone who wants to opt out can opt out.”  
  
“I mean, when you put it like that…” Ignatz said.  
  
“Well, I’ve done my duty,” Byleth said. “If even Ignatz is into it, then the ball is rolling pretty hard.”  
  
“You really didn’t have to single me out like that,” Ignatz replied.  
  
“Sorry not sorry, have fun everybody,” Byleth said unenthusiastically as they stood up and walked off.  
  
“Well, that was terrible,” Ingrid said. “But if this is happening, I’d like to suggest a ground rule. Everyone has to get with at least one person of each gender, _Sylvain_.”  
  
“Hey, no need to single me out like that,” he said. “I might be a hopeless skirt chaser and all around dashing rogue, but I’ve been intrigued by the less fair sex from time to time.”  
  
“That’s one way to put it,” Felix said with the usual amount of bitter in his voice.  
  
“Okay, but can you chill man? Like, at all?” Sylvain replied angrily.  
  
“Oh I’m sorry, is the dashing rogue upset?” Felix replied standing up and walking towards Sylvain.  
  
“Well, you’re talking, so yeah, a little bit,” Sylvain replied, also getting up and walking up to Felix.  
  
They stared each other down, faces inches apart, both breathing heavily, eyes locked.  
  
“Goddess, we really need this, don’t we?” Sylvain said quietly, breathlessly.  
  
“Desperately,” Felix replied.  
  
“Welp, they’re both in,” Dorothea said. “Here’s a thought. Remember those herbs the professor handed out all that time ago?”  
  
“How could I forget…” Ashe said. “Those things were the last thing I remembered before an 18 hour blackout that ended when I woke up in a field, naked and covered in what I hope was wolf blood. Learn from my mistake, take your body weight and general substance tolerance into account before having them.”  
  
“Right…” Dorothea said with concern. “Well, anyway what I was thinking is that for anyone who would want to join in but might not be the most comfortable, we could hand out some of those… in very small amounts apparently. Granted, we need to be certain that you have 100% consent beforehand because the moment someone takes those… well you heard Ashe.”  
  
“Then we’ll all take them beforehand, to prevent any potential questionable consent,” Hubert said. “Does anyone have a supplier?”  
  
“I know a guy,” Claude said.  
  
“Yeah, that tracks,” Lysithea said. “Also, this will just be us, right? No faculty invited?”  
  
“Oh absolutely,” Edelgard said, ignoring the sighs of disappointment from a few of her allies. “It would be… uncomfortable.”  
  
“Yeah, one of them is my dad,” Annette said.  
  
“Quite. I also vote we leave out Cyril and Flayn. We all knew Cyril when he was super young, it would be very weird.”  
  
“And if we invited Flayn, Seteth would actually kill all of us,” Hilda said. “Dead serious, no joke, he would actually go full Dimitri and kill every. Last. One of us. We wouldn’t stand a chance. It would be a massacre.”  
  
“That was uncalled for,” Dedue said.  
  
“No, it’s alright Dedue, I’ll take that one on the nose,” Dimitri said.  
  
“...What about the professor?” Lorenz asked. “I mean, I know we said no faculty, but the professor is approximately our age and, if I’m being honest, the person in Garreg Mach we most want to… ahem, get down with. That’s not the royal we, by the way, I’m pretty sure everyone here has fantasized about a night with the professor before.”  
  
There was a mass nodding and dozens of sounds of affirmation.  
  
“I mean, does the professor even know how we feel though?” Raphael asked. “I mean, they’re so stoic, there’s no way to know if they understand, or even if they share our feelings. If they don’t, everything will become super awkward forever, and I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable around us, you know?”  
  
“Raphael, that was… very sweet and shockingly well thought out,” Leonie said. “Alright then. In honor of Raphael’s wishes, I also vote no professor. Any objections?”  
  
No one raised any.  
  
“What about location?” Dimitri asked. “I’d rather like to know where I have to avoid tonight.”  
  
“There are not many safe locations that are big and private,” Petra said. “Can anyone think of somewhere that would be those things?”  
  
“The library would be too public,” Linhardt said. “And I wouldn’t want to destroy my favorite nap spot.”  
  
“The training grounds too,” Caspar said. “We need some place that has a really good door lock.”  
  
“Why not here?” Mercedes asked. “We lock the door to the conference room for meetings all the time. We can all fit in here pretty well, and I think with about two hours and some basic supplies, I could have this place cozy enough for sleep, and anything else that might and will happen.”  
  
“But we have a meeting here tomorrow,” Marianne said. “We’ll have to deal with it if we leave a mess here.”  
  
“That shouldn’t be a problem,” Raphael said. “There’s so many of us, we could clean this place in no time!”  
  
“Bernie thinks this is a bad plan, and it’s going to backfire horribly,” Bernadetta said. “But I don’t really have any other ideas for where we could do it, so… I guess this is what’s happening.”  
  
“You can opt out if you want, Bernadetta,” Edelgard said. “No one is forcing you. If they were, I’d decapitate them where they stand. We will not hold it against you if you back out. Or anyone else who backs out.”  
  
“I mean, I understand,” Bernadetta replied. “But at the same time, this is a really good way to get closer to everyone, in a way I’ve never been close to anyone, not really. And to be honest, Bernie needs to be _fucked_.”  
  
That caught everyone off guard.  
  
“I am so fucking horny all the time you guys, you don’t even understand.”  
  
“No, I definitely understand,” Marianne replied. “It’s as if I can feel my veins, my very blood, calling out, desperately longing for the touch of another, for the most visceral and intimate of battles.”  
  
“Like your whole existence is leading up to that one glorious moment,” Ignatz said. “And no matter how you try to sate yourself, no matter what you paint or imagine, you know in your very soul what you actually need: to lose yourself in the carnal pleasures of the flesh.”  
  
“Even the safe haven of the dreams in a quiet nap have been infected,” Linhardt said. “You wake up and you remember flashes of sweat and fluid and even now it haunts you, whispers to you too indulge in all your most lustful vices.”  
  
“It’s always the shy ones, isn’t it?” Leonie muttered to no one in particular, her eyes still wide from hearing all this.  
  
“Oh you think that’s bad?” Lysithea muttered in her direction. “Imagine my desperation, since I’ve got everything they have and borrowed time. Tonight, I’m gonna do some _freaky shit_.”  
  
“I think we should establish a safe word!” Leonie quickly exclaimed.  
  
“Smart, smart,” Claude said. “What’s the one word that we know would instantly kill the mood for everyone in the room?  
  
“Seteth,” everyone in the room replied all at once.  
  
“Yup, that tracks,” Claude replied. “If at any point, you feel overwhelmed and need this to stop, just say the name of that walking judgmental paternal stare and everyone instantly will stop and give you what you need, whether that’s aftercare or space.”  
  
“Very good. Such things are important in these kinds of situations,” Hubert said. “It is crucial that not only everyone comply with this, even if you're on the other side of the room, but also make sure to try to be perceptive of your current partners' reactions to what you do. Do not be afraid to use your safe word, for if you have to, it is a failure on the part of everyone else, not you. Also, we wouldn't want to forget to use a mass contraceptive spell beforehand. Thankfully, I happen to know one.”  
  
“You’re really on top of this, Hubert,” Ferdinand said. “Do you have experience with this kind of thing?”  
  
“Not in the direct sense, no, but with the crowds I share time with, you pick up some things,” he replied.  
  
“Okay, cool, no one ask any follow up questions,” Annette said nervously.  
  
“So, who is opting out?” Ashe asked. “Again, no judgment will be passed. Show of hands.”  
  
Dimitri was the only one who raised his hand.  
  
“Seriously?!” he exclaimed. “You all might not be passing judgment on me, but I am absolutely passing judgment on all of you. Even you, Dedue?”  
  
“I’m sorry, my lord,” he replied, “but even I have needs. And those currently include but are not limited to Ashe, the world's greatest sous chef, and Ingrid, ever since she started improving in areas like the horrific racism.”  
  
“Dedue…” Ashe said, practically with stars in his eyes.  
  
“I’ll take that one on the nose too, I deserved that,” Ingrid said.  
  
“Very well,” Dimitri said. “I’ll be leaving then. I suspect you all will need time to prepare this room for everything horrifying that is to follow.”  
  
“Oh absolutely,” Edelgard said. “I suspect that tonight will be… exciting, to put it diplomatically.”

___  
  
_ _ _

“I’m going to need a lot of these, Anna,” Claude said to the merchant. “And I’m going to need them in various sizes for different people. I’m talking from very smol to maximum beefy here.”  
  
“Oooh. What’s the occasion?” Anna asked as she rifled through her supplies.  
  
“You really, really don’t want to know,” Claude said.  
  
“So an orgy, then?”  
  
“Hell yeah.”  
  
“Nice. Do you think I should open an even Secret-er Shop for adult goods?”  
  
“If you do, hit up Hubert, he'll probably get you a supplier.”  
  
“Thanks Claude. Come back any time!”

  
  


“Alright, we’ve collected all the bedspreads,” Annette said, “and none of the faculty suspect anything.”  
  
“Good,” Mercedes replied. “Let’s get started laying these out. I’m impressed you managed to get all these without raising any suspicions.”  
  
“Well, I had to be very careful around my dad and your brother and especially Seteth,” she said, “but the only one who even got close to figuring it out was Professor Manuela. It’s like she has a sixth sense dedicated entirely to sex.”  
  
“Oh, I do,” Professor Manuela said from right behind the two of them, resulting in both of them screaming in surprise. “It’s more blessing than curse.”  
  
“Professor Manuela! What brings you here!?” Annette said, trying her absolute best to stay calm. She laughed awkwardly to sell it. It did not work.  
  
“Oh, I just had the feeling that you kids were planning something… fun.”  
  
“Yes, it will be a fun, completely innocent faculty free event,” Mercedes said with a little force.  
  
“Oh, I understand,” she replied knowingly. “But here’s my advice: use this kind of bedding…” she pointed to one of the piles, “and avoid that kind.” She pointed to a different pile.  
  
“Oh, uh… thanks?” Annette said with confusion.  
  
“No problem,” Manuela said as she walked out. “Everyone’s backs and knees will be extremely grateful if you use the right kind.”  
  
She winked and left.  
  
Annette looked down at the bedding Manuela recommended.  
  
“These are the kind used in the infirmary…” she said. “I’ve been treated on those beds…”  
  
“I choose to ignore that fact and instead focus on her well meant advice,” Mercedes said cheerfully.

  
  


“I’ve solved the problem,” Byleth said as they walked into Seteth’s office.  
  
“You have my thanks,” he replied, looking up from his work. “But how did you manage that so fast?”  
  
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to,” Byleth replied.  
  
“Right…” Seteth said with concern. “Anyway… Professor, why do you suppose it got to this point?”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Well, all these students in this web of relationships… I’ve nothing against polyamory, though it has never been for me, but despite it being so obvious, none of them have acted on it. I know I said they’ll always be those students at heart, but… they’ve grown so much in some areas. Why not this one? What was stopping them from admitting or acting on their feelings? It became frankly absurd that it got so bad that they started suffering in combat for it.”  
  
“...Do you want my honest answer or my funny answer that will let us sleep soundly at night?”  
  
“As concerning as that sounded, honesty, if you would.”  
  
“ _They’re child soldiers, Seteth_. I watched so many of them kill a person for the first time as teenagers, and for every single one of them who I didn’t see it for, that’s only because they had already taken their first life long ago. For all their strength, their courage, even though they are the future hope of Fódlan, in the end, they are just scared kids in way over their heads. Even Mercedes. So of course they’re grown up in some ways. They had to be. We drilled that into them so that they could survive, the way my father drilled it into me so that I could survive. And because they grew up so fast, they skipped so many important steps in that process, like learning how to awkwardly talk to the people they like. They never got the chance to be kids, and even if they want to be, even if they goof off and make silly jokes and painfully, awkwardly flirt with each other, in the end they’ll have to kill another person by the end of the week and another dozen by the end of the month. It got this far because they never learned how to stop it in its tracks, not from me because I am in no position to teach those things, not from the staff because they needed to teach them survival, and not from each other because not a single one of them knew in the first place. They came of age before they even had the chance to be the age they were stepping away from. And it’s our fault, because we had to teach them that to survive and they can’t hold it against us just how I can’t hold it against my dad because it was the best he could do. It was their parent’s fault, because they sent them to us instead of raising them with any kind of kindness. It was the Sothis forsaken world’s fault, for forcing all of this on them. But it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, because the damage is done and the only thing they can do to grow up now is be with each other. That’s why it got this far. That’s what their life is.”  
  
Seteth’s face was gaut, and there were tears at the corner of his eyes. It was like he had aged a few years in the last minute or so.  
  
“I… I’ll hear that funny answer now…”  
  
“They’re all just really awkward and horny.”  
  
“...The appeal is lost after you already shared that first answer.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
Outside Seteth’s office, Dimitri listened stoically. He walked away with renewed purpose.

  
  


Claude stood in front of a table, dramatically gesturing to dozens of packages. All around were cushions, beds, and a box Hubert brought that nobody was quite ready to ask about yet.  
  
“Alright, I’ve laid out the herbs according to dose size, going from about Lysithea and Annette all the way over to Raphael and Dedue,” Claude said. “I’m about here, around the middle, closer to the small side. Using that basic metric, everyone should be able to find a dosage right for them.”  
  
Everyone went forward and grabbed a dose that looked right for them, leaving only one left, a rather large dose.  
  
“Now then, are we missing anyone?” Edelgard asked. “One wasn’t taken.”  
  
“Only Dimitri isn’t here,” Hilda said. “So, we ready to get fucking crazy?”  
  
“Not yet,” Hubert said. “First things first-”  
  
“None of us want anything to do with whatever is in that box, Hubert,” Linhardt said.  
  
“I do!” Lysithea said. “If we are going to get crazy, we might as well go all in. And besides, only the people who want them can use them.”  
  
“Then let’s examine our goods, shall we?” Hubert opened the box to reveal the most elaborate and fascinating collection of sex toys and BDSM paraphernalia any of them have ever seen.  
  
“Are we still not allowed to ask questions? Because I am very curious now,” Ashe said.  
  
“Oh, let’s save that for later. I’ll start by going item by item-”  
  
It was at that exact moment that Dimitri kicked open the door, shattering the lock completely.  
  
After a moment of complete silence, he bellowed at the top of his lungs “I CONSEEEEEEEEEENT!”  
  
The rest of the people in the room, no matter how quiet or reserved, let out a yell of pure excitement and victory. Dimitri grabbed the last dose, downed it all at once, and ripped his clothes apart so hard they practically exploded off his body.  
  
Caspar slammed the door closed, not noticing that the lock had been annihilated completely. It still mostly closed, and that was good enough for him as he downed his.  
  
“Well, we’ll just have to learn by experience then,” Hubert said whimsically as he looked down at his collection before downing his dose and prepping the spell.

  


The next day, around midday, Byleth walked down to the conference room. They hadn’t seen any of the students yet, but didn’t think much of it. They noticed the broken lock, and carefully opened the door to investigate further. An instant later they slammed the door closed and blocked the whole frame with their body.  
  
“Is something the matter, Professor?” Seteth asked as he walked down to also get into the conference room. “I’ve never actually seen your eyes that wide.”  
  
“...Don’t go in there.”  
  
“I’m sorry?”  
  
“Don’t do it.”  
  
“But we have a meeting! The Archbishop herself will be arriving soon to assist!”  
  
“That is a terrible idea and the meeting must be cancelled immediately.”  
  
“It’s the war council for Sothis’ sake, what could possibly be so important that- you know what, I’ll just find out.”  
  
“Oh no nononononono”  
  
Thus began a brief struggle where Byleth did everything in their power to keep Seteth from entering the room. Eventually, Seteth forced his way past, and managed to sneak his head through the door.  
  
He immediately stepped back, slammed the door closed, and joined Byleth in blocking it with his frame.  
  
“We have to cancel the meeting.”  
  
“Yep.”  
  
“No one must ever see what is beyond those doors right now.”  
  
“Yep.”  
  
“Can you hold down this location while I go speak to the Archbishop?”  
  
“Speak to me about what, Seteth?” Rhea said as she appeared seemingly out of nowhere next to the two of them, causing them both to jump and Seteth to scream a little.  
  
“Ah, uh, Lady Rhea, how do you do? Everything is fine here. There is absolutely nothing wrong here at all. Nothing out of the ordinary. Yes. Nothing. Yes.”  
  
“...Seteth, what is going on in the conference room?”  
  
“Uuuhhhhh…”  
  
“Seteth, Professor, let me in.”  
  
“Nope. Can’t do that ever,” Byleth said.  
  
“Professor, you will-”  
  
A few minutes later, Rhea was joining Seteth and Byleth in blocking the door with her body, eyes wide.  
  
“Please don’t execute them for having an orgy in what was once the cardinal’s room,” Seteth said quietly.  
  
“That used to be the cardinal’s room?” Byleth said in mild shock.  
  
“Yes. It’s a very sacred site.”  
  
“Oh my Goddess please don’t execute all my students Lady Rhea.”  
  
“I won’t,” she said as if she were slightly dead inside. “I’m not even sure how to process what I just saw. I think they’ve given up on finding keys and are having Dimitri and Raphael destroy all the shackles used with their bare hands. Apparently Ashe was too sore to try picking the locks.”  
  
“Classic mistake,” Byleth said. “Always keep the keys in a place everyone will be able to find, especially if you’re going full herbal assistance.”  
  
“My Goddess, they didn’t…” Rhea said.  
  
“They did. Anna told me. Claude bought an absurd amount of those herbs,” Byleth said. “I thought they were for his schemes.”  
  
It was then that Manuela walked down the hall smugly.  
  
“So, clean up is going less than smoothly?” she asked.  
  
“That is a way to describe it, yes,” Rhea replied. “Please inform the remainder of the council on my behalf that the meeting has been canceled, and may never be held in that room again depending on various factors.”  
  
“Of course, Lady Rhea.”  
  
“Hello, brother. What is going on?” Flayn said cheerfully from behind Manuela, sparking a genuine scream from Rhea, Byleth, and especially Seteth.  
  
“Flayn, you mustn’t go any further,” Seteth said with incredible intensity.  
  
“What is the matter, brother? Is there something wrong?”  
  
“You should listen to your brother, Flayn,” Rhea said. “This is very serious.”  
  
“Well know I’m even more curious,” she said. “Why are you blocking the conference room?”  
  
“Remember the incident with the Sword of the Creator at dinner that one time when Manuela managed to trick Hanneman into a drinking contest?” Byleth said.  
  
“No,” Manuela replied. “I’m sorry, when did that happen?”  
  
“Yes, I remember it,” Flayn said, looking very concerned.  
  
“Worse.” Byleth said. “Far, far worse.”  
  
Flayn looked extremely concerned for a second before instantly trying to get through all the adults, with all four of them desperately holding her back.  
  
A few minutes later, Flayn, wearing a cheerful, broken smile on her face, stepped out of the conference room.  
  
“If you’ll excuse me brother, Professors, Lady Rhea, I must go find a Vulnerary and use it to wash my eyes, futile as it may be for I know that after witnessing that my mind and soul will never truly be clean. Have a lovely day!” She turned around and walked away, the broken smile never leaving her face.  
  
“Professor Manuela, if you would please cordon off this entire floor so that none may try to enter this room again?” Rhea asked.  
  
“At once,” Manuela said with unusual seriousness.  
  
“Now, with any luck, no other faculty should be able to-”  
  
Several other faculty members made it into that room that day. All left with nothing but regret.

  
  


“Soooooo…” Claude began, as all the students finally sat in the cleaned conference room, with most of everyone’s clothing found. “That could’ve gone… better.”  
  
“Yes,” Edelgard said. “I believe that to be an accurate assessment.”  
  
“Undoubtedly,” Dimitri said. “For all of our preparation beforehand, there was a distinct lack of foresight for what would come afterwards.”  
  
“I take full responsibility,” Hubert said. “I should have thought further ahead.”  
  
“I don’t think that’s fair, we all were to blame for that,” Hilda said. “Besides, you weren’t the one who broke the lock with your dramatic entrance.”  
  
Dedue looked like he was about to say something, but Dimitri held up his hand. Dedue nodded and said nothing.  
  
There was a moment where they all sat in silence, every part of every person sore as all hell, and Marianne still shackled at the wrist to Lysithea due to Dimitri and Raphael’s muscle fatigue.  
  
“I had fun. We’re doing this again sometime, right?” Felix asked.  
  
The entire group instantly began giving their agreement and approval with broad, genuine smiles.

  
  


“I must say Professor, as troublesome as your solution was, it certainly worked,” Seteth said as he observed the students fight together, their final opponent on the field being struck down. “They’ve never been this focused, this powerful.”  
  
“Well, the itch got scratched,” Byleth responded. “Now they can focus on battle, and when battles end, they can focus on…”  
  
The two of them watched Hubert pull Ferdinand in for a dramatic victory kiss that almost looked cool.  
  
“On that, I guess.”  
  
“I’m starting to think that your funny answer may have been onto something.”  
  
“There can be more than one right answer to a question.”  
  
“Very true, very true.”  
  
They also saw Bernadetta pull in a very surprised and completely into it Edelgard for a dance as Dorothea serenaded them. Raphael meanwhile carried Marianne in his arms gently back to the main camp, staring lovingly into each other's eyes.  
  
“Yeah, I take back everything I said, I think they might just be horny.”  
  
“I would almost consider this whole situation innocent and pure, had I not borne witness to… what had been seen earlier.”  
  
“And that was what it was like while they were cleaning up. Can you imagine the nightmare it must have been while they were in the middle of it?”  
  
“I’d rather never think about that ever if that’s alright with you Professor.”  
  
“Of course. By the way, how is Flayn recovering?”  
  
“She isn’t.”  
  
“Damn.”  
  
“Indeed. Were they not also my beloved students, I would slaughter them like cattle for ever daring to show Flayn such an unholy sight.”  
  
“...You are never going to let her get married, are you?”  
  
“Her potential suitor will earn the right to marry her when they kill me in honorable combat, for I’m only letting anything happen to my sister over my _dead body_.”  
  
~~The End~~


End file.
